Internet Kayak Dating, the Fountain of Youth and the Green River

     It's not very often where you truly get to be part of something great.  A time, a trip, an adventure where you wish you could stop time and indulge in the moment...  You could hit the pause button on the outside world, stopping life and progress at home with the wife and the kids.  The job no longer mattered, the bills no longer needed to be paid and the money in the checking account was no longer needed.  I just had one of those trips... An adventure where I wish I could pause time and completely indulge and engulf myself in the moment.  A trip where I could get lost in those Utah Canyons and time would pause so I didn't miss anything at home with my wife and girls...

    

    "I want to run the Green River." was what Ted's text read.  I was giggling like a school girl as I began typing out my reply.  My friend Ted is a lawyer and we were like junior high friends taking brash jabs at each other every chance we get.  "Is that your BFF, Ted?" Liz asked as she watched me snickering at my reply somehow twisting my rebuttal to poke at him and his profession.  I quite often got a text from Ted saying he wanted run this river or mimic a trip he had seen on a paddling forum we were both a part of.  Ted and I had met on the internet.  It was something that seemed pretty common amongst lonely single men and women these days..but not that common for grown men and women who just seeked an adventure companion.  We wanted nothing more than a partner with his own boat and gear, good campfire conversations and a strong helping hand when we were in trouble on the river and literally stuck between the rock and a hard place.  Our first trip was several years ago on the Dismal River.  It was a river that Ted had wanted to run and I had grown up with it in my backyard.  The trip went well.  He promised he wasn't an axe murderer as I invited a complete stranger to stay in my parents home the night before we were to put in on the Dismal River.  By the end of the weekend, we had had a lot of laughs, Ted had his inauguration Dismal River run under his belt with the scrapes, scratches and bruises to prove it..and well, my parents had taken a liking to him.  Not as if that was needed, but definitely frosting on the cake when meeting people on the internet.  We were no longer strangers, but friends, both seeking the next adventure.  My final text to Ted was.. "So you have wanted to run the Upper Missouri in Montana, we have talked about the North Platte River in Wyoming and now it's the Green River in Utah, which one do you want to do in 2020."  Ted's text back was plain and to the point.  No jabs or brassy comments.  "The Green" he replied.  And so, the Green River trip was born...

    There were four of us that started on the Green River that day.  Our canoes were packed full for our four days and nearly 50 miles of wilderness paddling.  Steve and Ken had decided to join us.  It was another internet kayak dating experiment in works.  Steve was merely an acquaintance.  We were Facebook friends and we had connected through friends of friends.  I knew Steve was an adventurous soul.  I figured he was retired and had seen pictures of him at the Everest Base Camp Trek in the Himalayan Mountains.  I can distinctly remember him on the summit of Lobuche and the smile said it all.  He had a fire that burned within him and it was only soothed by an expedition...an adventure to snuff out the everyday domestication that we as humans live in today.  Steve's trip to the Himalayas were without a doubt campfire worthy stories to be told and carry on the conversation after a long day on the river...one of the simple characteristics needed on every outdoor excursion.  He brought his friend Ken with him.  A soft spoken man who just seemed excited to go.  Ken and Steve were cycling buddies and had biked trails together across the entire Midwest.

 

    The trip started in a desert valley.  Nothing really too exciting.  A bleak, dry and barren spot.  I think the country term that came to mind was "Drier than a popcorn fart.", a saying I never really understood but knew the term was synonymous with "Damn dry". There was very little flora and the only green was the irrigated farm ground next to the river and you could hear the hum of the electric motors pumping water out of the river onto the alfalfa that I could tell the rancher desperately needed to grow.  The put in was on a private ranch and we had to buy our access to the river.  I think we all hoped that there was more to the Green River than this.  It didn't coincide with the pictures we had seen and the videos we had watched.  As we traveled down the river that afternoon, the rocks from the dry valley grew.  They slowly turned into bigger rocks and then into short canyon walls.  I think we could all feel the river leisurely digging its way deeper into the Earth. The canyon walls grew as we put miles and hours between us and our initial put in point on the ranch.  The soulful red, rust, tan and brown colors began to paint the canyon walls and I think we all finally settled in and breathed a sigh of relief.  The adventure of the trip finally started.  We didn't initially see it at the ranch and the last signs of civilization, but now it was here and apparent.  The desert wilderness was flaunting itself to us...

    

    The first night of camping was on a sandy bank overlooking the Green.  Fire restrictions were in place and we couldn't have a campfire, but that didn't stop the conversations, story telling and laughs of past experiences.  We hiked one of the side canyons of Labyrinth Canyon, swam in the river and let the waters of the Green cool us off after an afternoon of paddling in the hot sun.  Even though we had all just met, our group dynamics were meshing well.

    Day two was the big day of our four day trip.  We had 20 river miles to paddle before arriving at the bottom of the "Saddle", a point on the Green where the river travels 7 miles before doubling back on itself.  The Saddle is a location where you can take a picture of the river traveling in opposite directions and is only divided by 400 yards of canyon wall.  The day was hot, but the Canyon was beautiful.  Ted and I talked about how amazing the scenery was as we maneuvered our way through the twists and turns of the river.  Our conversation was never stale.  It was almost as if we had known each other years as we discussed life, past adventures, our kids and the scenery in front of us.  Steve and Ken seemed to be doing well, although they had never shared a canoe together before.  I honestly don't think anyone suffered from even an inch of boredom.  The trip was truly amazing and we were all just taking it in...

 

    We finally reached the bottom of the Saddle.  We still had to hike to the top of the canyon.  I could tell the river miles and heat of the day had taken its toll on all of us.  I had been offering Cokes to my companions earlier that afternoon.  I knew that we all were starting to suffer a little from the almost 100 degree day.  The sun was beating down on us from above and the now deep canyon walls were only aiding the desert heat and created an almost oven affect.  I hoped the sugar and caffeine would act as a drug and give us the boost we needed to do the climb before setting up camp that evening...  Without a doubt, the trail was steep.  There were even a couple points where we almost had to do a rock scramble similar to summiting a "fourteener" in Colorado.  We all pitched in now.. Giving that strong helping hand we all desired of an adventure partner.  We were no longer strangers, but friends, all seeking to tame the same fire that burned inside of us..  I was behind Steve when we reached the top of the Saddle.  Instantly, I could see Steve's expression change with the excitement of the view.  His smile was from ear to ear and he quickly turned around giving me approval of what he saw and was giving high fives to everyone in the group.  I wasn't for sure the excitement that Steve felt in that picture of himself on that summit of Lobuche, but that same smile was there on the Saddle and I was proud to be a part of the adventure...  The view on the Saddle was extraordinary.  It was windy and the two canyon walls were like brothers standing back to back trying to decide who had a taller stature.  Each canyon had its own personality.  The same earthen colors, but the structures were different.  We had been traveling through a canyon with a rim and tall walls.  We would soon be seeing the canyon change into one with cliffs and bluffs.  It would be the same canyon, but like brothers, different...

    

        That evening, I don't think we even had camp setup before the first beers of the evening were cracked open.  We were all hot and tired, the Green was cold and we needed to celebrate an epic day.  Ken peeled his shirt off and ran into the water like a young adolescent and dove in.  We all cackled at his display of excitement and youth.  Steve took a beer in the river with him.  That smile had never left his face from the summit of the Saddle.  He looked at me with that grin and told me he felt 16 again...  I envisioned him reminiscing of misguided younger days of his life.  No cares, no worries, only fun and adventures.  The Green acted like a fountain of youth, turning back the hands of time for all of us.  Even though our age differences spanned over 25 years, we all felt young again and the cold beer was only helping the situation.  We soon fell right into place, like old college buddies, taking brassy jabs at each, cracking lawyer jokes with Ted and telling tall tales of our younger years.  Honestly, I think the expectations of this trip by now were far exceeded and we were celebrating the moment and the new found friendships.

    Day three was the last full day on the Green.  We had 10 river miles and I hoped to find some petroglyphs in one of the side canyons.  The petroglyphs were evidence that these canyons were not always wilderness.  The canyons were once inhabited by indigenous people a thousand years ago..civilization existed here.  I quite often question if these people were possibly more "civilized" than what we are today.  No, not as technologically advanced, but did they have a fuller life?  Did they understand the true meaning of community and kindness?  These are questions I ponder on river trips...  Somehow, we missed the canyon that had these ancient relics.  It was something I wanted to see, but was not disappointed.  There was meat left on the bone for a future trip down the Green River again.  This would not be my last trip down this river...

    It would be our last night of camping.  We found another sandbar with another picturesque backdrop..something you felt like you would see in a picture or a National Geographic Magazine.  Ted kept claiming he felt like he was living in a Ansel Adam Gallery...only we were living it and not just seeing it perfectly framed on the wall in an air conditioned building.  So far, Mother Nature had been pleasant.  Our days had been warm, but the weather was beautiful.  That night, she decided to show us we were on her terms and living in her playground.  We watched a thunderstorm work its way down the canyon.  The lightning illuminated the night sky.  The breeze began to build and slowly worked itself into a wind.  The first gust of wind blew through giving us a powerful blow.  It ripped the stakes out of my tent and it started rolling towards the river.  Steve seen it go and took off running to catch it.  Ted's and I canoe flipped over in the river dumping the few contents we didn't need for the night.  Ted and I ran gathering what we could.  Ken was holding his tent down and thankfully Steve outran my tent and saved it.  Hoping our canoe and contents were now secure, I ran to help Steve save my tent and get it staked back to the sand and the Earth.  Another gust came  and this time Steve's tent was its prey.  It was caught by the bushes and as I tried to help Steve wrestle it out of the wind's grip, one of the poles broke rendering it useless.  We were no longer strangers, but a community of friends and we all chimed in offering Steve a place in our fabric shelters for the night... I didn't sleep much that night. The wind shook my tent and the rain fly flapped like a flag in the violent blows.  I could hear the river rippling and white capping from the gales.  I wondered if it was raining upriver and how long our canoes and tents would be safe on the sandbar.  This, after all, was the wilderness.. and we were on a wilderness adventure. 

    

    I woke the next morning with a fine layer of sand and grit on everything.  The wind had blown sand under the rain fly and through the screen coating my sleeping bag and clothes.  The winds had finally subsided and it was a beautiful morning.  We slowly packed our gear and loaded the canoes.  Only a few more miles left and we would be at our take out point and back the civilized world.  Ted and I were a little quieter today.  I think we just wanted to relish in the little time we had left.  The canyon was still mesmerizing...never giving us a break in her gorgeous curves.  At one point, Ted turned and looked at me..."This was the best outdoor experience in my life.."  It was a sincere, firm and a quiet statement.  I knew he meant every word.  I smiled...without a doubt, it was epic and would be a trip I would remember for the rest of my life.   I am just glad I could be a part of it..

    To be honest, I think I could have kept paddling past our take out point that day.  It's not often you get to be part of something great... an adventure that you wish you could turn into a lifestyle.  I missed my family.. my wife and girls.  I wondered how life had been with them since my last contact five days before, but I think if I could have hit the pause button on life, I would have kept paddling to the Colorado River and then on from there.  There were more canyons and more desert to explore...

 

Bros, Souls, Family Adventures and Splitting Wedges

    "When it pours lemons, you just have to make lemonade!" my ever famous quote that I am yelling at my buddy Jeff in the rain as we are riding the soulful red peanut butter muddy roads of Stillwater, Oklahoma.  We are in the Mid South 100 and the rain started the night before completely saturating the area's country gravel roads.  The tires of the other bike riders in front of us are picking up the red clay and splattering it behind them for 15 yards covering Jeff and I from head to toe in the sticky mud.  The race had just started.  We had a 100 miles to ride that day and boy was it going to be an adventure!  We were going to cuss, it was going to break our souls, and we will probably sign up again the next year.

    I can remember another adventure, it was just my oldest brother Trevor and I and we were backpacking the Comanche Peak Wilderness in Northern Colorado.  We had just climbed up over a mountain pass with elevations of over 11,000 feet and a trail that climbed to the sky without a single switch back to give you relief.  We were on day two of a 20+ mile loop. For more than an hour, we couldn't see the top of the mountain nor the bottom.  You felt like you were climbing from the depths of Hell to the Heavens above.   The trail was more than strenuous.  We would stop, take our packs off, the sweat beading off our faces and stare at each other both wondering if the other one was going to break.  We would grab a few swigs of water and pant in the thin mountain air only to throw our packs back on and climb some more.  We finally summited the pass.  The views were extraordinary and we could see for miles with snow covered peaks all around us.  Our final destination was Brown Lake but unbeknownst to us this region was a "high use" area in the Wilderness with designated camp sites.  As we hiked by each site with tents sent up and other backpackers that had hiked in just a few miles from the opposite direction that we had came, we began to realize there may not be room for us.  With each occupied campsite, I could slowly see a splitting wedge being hammered into my brother Trevor's soul.  He began to describe the trail with four letter words, muttering to himself...  When we finally reached the last designated campsite on Brown Lake with tents setup and smiling, lazy backpackers that had an easy walk in from the trailhead, the wedge was hit with the last hammering blow breaking my brother's soul completely in half.  He was done and so was I.  We had hiked from the depths of Hell to the Heavens above and we were owed a campsite.  At this point, my brother began describing the trail, the weather, the Wilderness, the other backpackers with very elaborate and descriptive four letter words.  There was no stopping him.  He renamed every plant, every rock, every person, the wind, the weather in a fashion that could make a sailor blush.  I got out the map and laid it out...  Our best bet was to hike to Comanche Lake.  "How frickin far is that?!" Trevor demanded...his soul in pieces at this point from the long day on the trail.  "A little over two miles" I replied.  The ear burning descriptive rants continued...

    I am always looking at the next trip, the next adventure...  Trying to conjure a way to make something that could be so simple into an all day or multiple day affair.  I want something that feeds my soul and makes me hurt.  I want to sweat and feel like I ran a marathon when it is all done.  This is all fine when I talk my buddy Jeff into joining me or my brother Trevor into it.  At the end of the day or the end of the trip, I can give them a fist bump and a smile.."That was awesome man!".  They smile back, we joke and laugh at how miserable it was at times.  How the mud or the trail was seriously going to be the end of us.  We then get in our vehicles and go our separate ways and on to our separate lives..  It's different when you talk your family into it though.  At the end of the day, there is no separate vehicles and separate lives.  At the end of the trip, you have to hope that the adventure didn't become the wedge that split your family and not just someone's soul.  At the end of the trip you just hope your marriage survives and your kids still love you.  Planning a family adventure is different... at the end of the trip, you still have to live with these people.

    It was our first backpacking trip as a family.  Liz had taken a 13 year break since Addison was born.  We had done a few trips together, in our younger years as empty nesters.  It seemed to work well for us, maybe because we were still "honeymooners" in awe of each other and possibly still trying to make a positive impression on the other.  I usually went on at least a yearly trip after Addison was born with my brother Trevor and possibly my brother in laws.  Those trips kept me seasoned, gave me a true perspective and realistic expectations of the work involved in carrying several days worth of gear and food to the top of a mountain...  Over the years, Liz had become our Alpha.  I think it is the country bred deep into her ranching genes.  She isn't afraid to speak her mind..definitely isn't afraid of telling someone where they can put it and when you are married to her, well you definitely get the "non sugar coated" version of everything.  I knew she was nervous.  I was only expecting her to carry a heavy pack up endless switchbacks of relentless elevation gains to get to our destination only to be fed to swarms of mosquitoes for days on end and somehow believe it is to fill your soul with utter happiness..a simple expectation of all wives in America.  I had fretted, sweated and meticulously packed everyone's backpack.  I was bearing the heaviest load which would hopefully save on everyone else not just physically, but mentally too.  My biggest contemplation was where to put the second and largest bear canister.  I couldn't get it to fit in my backpack, so I put it in Liz's, reassuring her it wasn't heavy.  That bear canister...became our splitting wedge.

    "What the hell is in that bear canister?" Liz demanded after the first set of switchbacks and not even a mile on the trail.  "Food" I replied trying hard to not be rhetorical and answer the question as sincerely and truthfully as possible.  Her sunglasses were on but I could still read her eyes.  When you have been married to someone for over 15 years, you just know the "looks".  You know their smiles, when they are faking and when they are sincere.  You see certain expressions and your survival instincts kick in helping guide you through the situation.  With Liz, it is her eyes and her eyebrows.  I know the look well.  It is the look of pure demonic possession and it is only remedied by coffee in the morning.  This was past morning coffee and now, we were just going to have to get through this.  "Let me carry the canister." I said with as fake of a sincere smile I could muster.  "You touch my pack and I will hurt you!" Liz replied...her country pride not allowing her to show her fatigue.  When a ranch girl says "hurt", well a hurting is what they are going to do.  On we trudged.  The girls could feel the tension of the splitting wedge and knew that silence was their only hope.

    A few more wooded miles passed.  The climb was relentless and only four and a half miles I kept saying.  I could see the patience starting to fade in Liz.  She was beginning to swat at the flies irrationally.  It was about lunch time and the flies were hungry too biting through the thin clothes and any naked flesh exposed to the environment.  I knew the anger and anxiety was starting to build in her and burn at her chest.  Looking back, the bear canister and food was too much for her.  The pack was weighing on her lower back and the altitude was beginning to build in her stomach.  I should have known better, but Liz and I were trying to carry the extra weight for the girls.  The goal was the lake at the end of the trail and then we have four blissful days to enjoy our solitude.

    We finally made it to the crest of the climb.  It was four miles of continuous climbing and the last half mile looked to be an easy coast into the campsite.  Liz had her pack off and she was on the side of the trail taking deep breaths.  I knew the altitude was getting the best of her.  I hurried up and pushed through the next half mile or so with my pack, dropped it on the side of the trail and hurriedly walked back to Liz and the girls.  I grabbed Liz's pack and heaved it on my back and gave her the head nudge of "let's go, we are almost there".  Her pride no longer had feelings.  It was tired and now the altitude was making her stomach gurgle.  We made it the last little bit into camp as a group.  I instantly went to work setting up Liz's camp chair and "politely" asked her to sit down.  She was broken by this point having no fight left in her.  She sat and I silently went to work setting up camp.  The girls left to go explore the lake knowing that was their sanctuary for the time being.  I watched Liz, quietly, out of the corner of my eye as I worked on the tent, careful to not ask how she was.  Within a few minutes, she slowly got up, softly walked into the woods as to not get my attention and heaved everything she had in her stomach out.  Altitude sickness.  It's nothing new to her, she has worked through it before...and she didn't need me asking her and reminding her of her weak stomach.  We never spoke about it the rest of the trip.  Country pride....

    We were able to get some fishing in that evening before heading to bed.  Alani is my fisherman.  She can patiently sit on a rock watching the fly, slowly turning my reel into a birds nest as she lackadaisically cranks on the arm winding the line back in.  I quite often wonder what my purpose is in this life, but at that moment and that time, I knew I was supposed to be there, sorting out the mess she made and enjoying the mountain lake views right next to her.

     I would like to tell you that the rest of the weekend was perfect, in some senses it was, but we were still in the wild and still exposed to the elements.  We had a hike of some sort planned for each day.  A way to wander from camp and explore the wilderness that we decided to immerse ourselves in.  There were plenty of waterfalls to see, lakes to try to hike too, but most of all just enjoying our time as a family.  It's different when you are truly alone.  You wake when it is light, go to bed when it is dark and eat when you are hungry.  We were no longer a slave to time, dictating our day and lives.  We were only commanded by the elements... When it rained, we seeked shelter, when it was cold, we seeked warmth. Simplistic, sometimes the way I believe life was truly supposed to be.

    It was finally day 4 and our trip was done.  The girls had been planning their celebratory meal once we hiked off the mountain and back to civilization.  They had dreamed of fresh fruit and waffles with plenty of whip cream and syrup to drizzle over the top for a couple of days.  It was a fair trade, four days in the mountains eating handfuls of trail mix, granola and dehydrated meals cooked with a pot of boiling water.  Thankfully most of the food had been ate.  The splitting wedge of our first day was lighter.  I slipped it into Liz's backpack with a grin.  I smiled at her and asked, "Are you ready for the five day backpacking trip next month?!"  "Give me a week and we will talk about it." She replied with a smile.  We were happy, ours souls had been filled and we were ready for waffles and whip cream at the nearest Egg and I.  

"A man on foot, on horseback or on a bicycle will see more, feel more, enjoy more in one mile than the motorized tourists can in a hundred miles"

-Edward Abbey

    

    

    

Finding Her Grit

    I can still remember the day Addison found her grit.  We weren't even in mile two of a four day backpacking trip in the Colorado Wilderness... Addison was on the side of the trail puking.  Now, I don't remember if I was holding her hair back or standing next to my brother watching her like a deer in the headlights, shocked and wondering what I had gotten us into.  I knelt next to her and told her she had altitude sickness and that was it, we couldn't go on.  I could tell right away this was a disappointment to Addison.  I could see the tears begin to build as she fought to hold them back.  We had already made sacrifices for this trip.  We had slept in the back of the van the night before at the trailhead so we could get an early start hiking the next morning.  We had spent weeks getting a nine year old outfitted for a 10 mile hike into the backcountry only to setup a basecamp and hike even more.  Now that the day was here, altitude sickness had snuck up on her like it does for many "flatlanders" possibly ending our trip..  As she began to cry, Addison looked at me with a stern face and said "No, I can do it Dad!"  I began to explain to her that it was alright, when hiking in the backcountry, a person needed to know their limitations and this was one of them.  With every step we took up the mountain, it was that much farther away from the trailhead, that much farther from our transportation and ultimately, that much farther from any type of emergency facilities.  At this point, I could see the fire starting to burn in her eyes.  The fire of grit and ambition.  The fire that drives people to run marathons, carry people out of burning buildings, the fire that makes people do miraculous things...  She was nine and the fire was burning bright.  "We drove all the way out here Dad, I can make it!" Addison told me with as much confidence and sincerity a nine year old could have.  I stood up, looked at my brother Trevor, I think his eyes were as big as mine.  He knew very well the risks we were taking by walking farther into the Wilderness.  People have had to get flown out by rescue helicopters due to altitude sickness, which almost always leads into other problems..  I knew this was a fire that needed to be kindled, it was delicate and if we fed it right, Addison could find her grit and realize, she could do miraculous things in life...

    As we trudged up the mountain, I thought about those Dads that lead their families into danger, lacking common sense to know and understand when to stop.  At that moment, I was that Dad.  I took Addison's pack off her back and carried it like a purse while carrying my own.  In the other hand, I held a water bottle and made her drink a little every time we took a short break to ward off dehydration which is always the dirty little minion that follows altitude sickness around.  I could tell she was struggling, more than likely suffering from a headache, which is one of the many wicked symptoms of altitude sickness.  We had started early and we had all day to make the 10 mile hike into the lake that was to be our destination.  Trevor and I had been whispering on the trail, discussing a back up plan of camping at the next creek we came to.  The creek would provide us with the water we would need, the basic necessity of all life. 

    When we reached the creek, we all sat down, took our packs off and filled our water bottles with the cold mountain water.  Addison was suffering, but I could still see the fire in her eyes.  "How about we camp here for the night Addison?" I asked with a smile.  Trevor followed with support, commenting on how the creek would make a great spot and stopping point for the day.  We still had a few days in the mountains, we could finish the last 5 miles tomorrow.  Addison knew we were short changing her and reassured us that she could make it to the lake which was our planned destination for the day.

    

    From this point forward, I don't remember the exact details of the rest of the day.  I remember it to be grueling as I carried my pack, Addison's pack like a purse and a water bottle in the free hand.  To be honest, I was ready to quit, I hadn't trained to be a Sherpa and at this point, that is what I was.  The last half mile, the trail goes almost straight up, leading to the glacier carved hole that now holds the water of the lake.  Addison barely made it, her body completely worn out from the day.  No sooner than I got the tent setup and the sleeping bags rolled out and Addison crawled in for the day.  She had fed her fire every ounce of fuel she had left in her body.  She had found her grit and I couldn't have been prouder.

    The next few days were magical.  We explored and talked about all the fruits and labors of Nature and the mountains.  The marmots had deemed Trevor extra salty on this trip as they chewed on his shoes, hiking poles straps and clothes seeking the minerals that his body had sweated out on the hike in.  Addison was enthralled by them and laughed as Trevor chased them off, fearing they would chew a hole in yet another one of his possessions.  We day hiked and explored the region, fishing different lakes, exploring mountain ridges and hiking to nearby waterfalls.  We seen sheep and deer and watched the birds scavenge or campsite looking for scraps of food we may have dropped.  The fire she had fueled had now paid off and I think like me, she was loving every minute of it.

This particular lake was very fruitful.

Addison and Uncle Trevor Fishing

    The morning of the 4th day came and we had to hike the 10 miles out back to the trailhead and back to civilization.  For the most part, it was all downhill.  The descent of the trip was here and I think we were all disappointed to leave.  There is no questioning, I had not planned very well for a nine year old.  Not only had we struggled up the mountain and endured too many miles the first day, but I had not packed several of the necessities a delicate young girl would need.  Addison's ears were blistered and peeling from the high altitude sun.  Her lips were dry, cracked and bleeding from the arid and windy elements of the mountains.  Her hair was greasy and tangled from not washing it and no brush to comb through it.  Addison said she wanted a buffet to eat at on our way home.  She was hungry, her fire had been fueled and I wasn't going to tell her no.  When we stopped to eat, I told Trevor it was going to be a miracle if we got out of there without child social services being called.  She looked like hell warmed over, but she had found her grit in life...and that is what will some day make her extraordinary.

To my family...you are the inspiration in my life.

    

Happily Miserable on the Niobrara

    It was our third day there.  The wind was so strong it was grabbing handfuls of sand and throwing them at our legs and face.  My skin stung as the sand pelted my legs.  My girls have heard me say it many times before.  I can almost feel them roll their eyes as I begin my famous phrase.  "If you wait for a perfect day in Nebraska, you will always be waiting.."  This trip was like many previous Nebraska camping trips.  We would endure everything that Nebraska could throw at us on this trip.  The March winds, the cool nights of April, the heat and humidity of July and the monsoon rains of...well that was a new one for us, but I can tell you, we endured it.

    

    Camping on the Niobrara wasn't the hand we asked for, but the hand we were dealt.  We had originally planned a trip to the Bahamas.  It was to be our first international trip as a family, but that was cancelled due to the virus.  We knew what we were getting into.  The Niobrara is one of our favorite places to camp.  We enjoy canoeing and kayaking the river.  There is so much to see on the Niobrara.  It truly is a Nebraska treasure.  I think many people overlook the beauty of the river and the valley.  A common sight on the river during the hot summer months are hoards of sun burned drunks, tipping their beers high into the sky getting the last refreshing sip out of the can laughing, giggling and carrying on and they truly miss the natural beauty that the river has to offer...

    

    The Niobrara is the confluence of 5 different ecosystems.  The grasses of the Mixed and Sandhills Prairie; the ponderosa pine of the Rocky Mountain Coniferous Forest; elms, oaks and ashes of the Eastern Deciduous Forest and finally my favorite; the paper birch, moss and bogs of the Northern Boreal Forest.  The valley can be home to 92 species of butterflies and my girls favorite are the turtles including the big snapping turtles and the spiny softshell turtles that can be found sunning themselves on the banks of the river.  

    We arrived at our campsite on a Friday.  A hot and humid day, I instantly went to work setting up the canvas tent.  We had 6 days worth of food packed, kayaks to run the river, tubes for short lazy runs and marshmallows for smores.  We got camp setup, taco tots cooked in the dutch oven and just enough time to enjoy a beautiful sunset and off to bed.  This wasn't our rodeo when it comes to camping on the Niobrara.  I can tell you right now, the raccoons in this valley are different.  They are a superior breed of animal.  They have been trained and groomed for generations to know every trick on how to pillage and plunder a campsite.  Decades of drunken passed out tubers have fed these animals and transformed them into their own species of "coons".  I am methodical when it comes to securing a campsite.  All coolers are ratchet strapped shut.  All dry tote storage is pushed under picnic table benches and objects are wedged between the seat and the lid preventing the lid from coming off.  Don't even think about leaving something on top of the tables because these devilish little monsters know that anything pushed off the table usually breaks open for an easy meal.  Its similar to securing Fort Knox...  Once everything had been secured, in the tent we go for the night.  

    It's 12 a.m. and I feel a nudge.  "They are here"..Liz says.  I could hear them with their purr like noises talking between one another..probably laying claim to the several plastic boxes that held all treasures that a hungry coon could hope for.  I rolled over and told Liz there was nothing that they could get into, just go back to sleep.  The plastic of the case of water rattled...nothing there..  I could hear the thunk of them trying to lift the top of the ratchet strapped cooler lids.  That was a dead end, then on to the dry tote storage.  Thunk, thunk, thunk.  The lid would not pop off.  Thunk... thunk, thunk.. Persistent little bastard.  Thunk, thunk... thunk..  I think the thought that they could open the lid just a bit was appealing.  Thunk, thunk thunk..  "I don't think I can listen to this much more.." Liz says with a big huff.  Thunk, thunk, thunk and then a fight breaks out.  Evidently a more dominant raccoon was trying to lay claim to the prize.  A loud yowl followed and several more pursued.  "You have got to be frickin kidding me.." Liz says.  I finally get up, unzip the tent door as fast as I can to follow it with a series of my best imitated ferocious dog barks.  I begin to pick up sticks and throw them into the weeds, doing my best to scare the little bastards off.  I pack as many of the totes that I can in the cab of the pickup to just rid ourselves of the tantalizing appeal of free food.  As I am doing so, a raccoon is in the tree, growling at me...

    The next day was our first day of kayaking.  I think everyone was excited.  It was a beautiful day.  A few clouds in the sky to hide the sun and the heat of the upcoming summer.  The girls were tentative.  They were excited to catch a glimpse of the spiny softshell turtles sun bathing on the north facing slopes of the river.  For me, this was about many things.  A chance for me to connect with nature, a learning opportunity for my girls and time with the family. They needed the opportunity to build confidence, to learn that everything has its place in nature...  There was plenty of water in the Niobrara and the current was fast and swift.  

    On Sunday, the winds came.  Nebraska is quite often confused with its seasons.  It seems like at any given time of the year, you always have two seasons fighting for its dominance.  Currently it is spring and summer battling over who gets Nebraska.  As spring dominates with its cool temperatures, summer begins to build its forces in the form of wind to blow spring out of its way and blanket the state with blustery hot temperatures.  Spring retreats back north to ask winter for its support only to come back and blow summer back out of its way.  From the time we woke up, the blustery hot winds were picking up dust and fighting spring with a vengeance.  We did our best to take it in stride.  We decided Sunday was to be a day of waterfalls.  In the morning, we took a hike over to Fort Falls and explored the trees and fauna of the Niobrara.  That afternoon, we snuck off to a hidden set of falls not far off the river.  The afternoon heat set in, the horizon was brown with the dust and sand from the nearby prairie and we needed to retreat from the battle.  This set of waterfalls has a pool surrounding the falls.  We basked and laid in its cool waters for hours enjoying nature's closest version to air conditioning.  The falls are hidden and Addison described them as majestic, magical and possibly a scene taken from the Shire.  Our conversation was of the simple things in life. How the sun and mist shined on the gigantic green leaves of the Cow Parsnip that grew on the banks.  We talked about how fine the sand was and how cool the waters were.  We spoke of the indigenous people that lived along the banks of the river and about how life may have been for them.  We shared personal stories of things going on in our lives.  We found ourselves our own Eden to escape to for the afternoon.  Magical it was....

    That night was not suitable for sleep.  Liz and I laid on top of the covers due to the heat.  The wind was still blowing and the heat had definitely settled in.  Summer had won the battle.  Liz tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position.  The heat and wind was not conducive for sleep.  I laid there with a smile...happily miserable thinking about the day we had.

    Monday was another day kayaking the river.  The day was warm and the clouds had moved in.  You knew rain was on its way.  Just another war of the seasons and Nebraska was its battle grounds.  We were all a little more quiet on this trip.  Not sure if it was due to the lack of the sleep from the night before or if the wonders of the Niobrara were losing their appeal.  We picked out birds along the banks, looked for our turtles and even found some frogs attentively watching our every move.  The bald eagles were flying and even had one fly just a few feet overhead.  This was truly a treat and brought magic back to our trip.

    Monday night brought the rains.  This wasn't your typical Nebraska summer rain where the storm blows in, drops its rain, cools the air and moves back out again.  This was rain described best by Forest Gump.  It came down, it came sideways and it even rained up.  The lightning struck so close that it seemed like daylight in the tent.  The thunder boomed so loud that is rattled the ground and your chest.  The rain hit the tent in tidal waves.  It would rain and pound the canvas so hard you could barely hear yourself think.  Once you thought it was gone, another tidal wave would crash down on the tent and start pounding away at the cloth.  If things couldn't get any worse, two raccoons decided to yowl and growl trying to lay claim as to who owned the rights to pillage and plunder this campsite yet another night.  "You have got to be kidding me!" Liz muttered under her breath to not wake the girls as they slept through the storm.  I was startled at first by the coon fight, but rolled over, smiled and laughed as quietly as I could...I was still within arms reach of my wife.

    Tuesday was our last full day of camping on the river.  The day started with a magnificent sunrise.  It gave hope for a beautiful day.  The official report was 3 inches of rain the night before.  After what we tried to sleep through, I could only concur.  Wind and rain was again in the forecast for the day.  Spring was back and it was going to be a chilly day.  Everything was too wet to throw in the towel, pack up camp and lick our wounds on the 3 hour trip back home, so we planned a trip of sightseeing.  We decided to drive to Norden Chute and show the girls an incredible water feature of the Niobrara River.  The roads were mucky and wet with the rain.  As we splashed through the muddy puddles, leftover remnants of the monsoon, my old pickup began to cough and sputter, but kept chugging along.  Liz looked at me and shook her head after all we had endured.  The heat, the winds, the monsoons and now car troubles.  "Something is getting wet." I assured her with a smile.  "We will be fine once it dries out."  When it rains lemons, you only have one choice and that is to make lemonade.  The girls were impressed with Norden Chute.  We then drove through the Fort Niobrara Wildlife Refuge and watched prairie dogs clean their den holes out again.  We laughed as the dirt flew and one would dig and pack around his hole.  We traveled on to the Cowboy Trail and walked across the old railway bridge, raining and the wind blowing in our faces.  We returned back to camp in my sputtering old pickup with smiles on our faces.  This day's lemonade was pretty good.  

    Wednesday we packed camp back up.  Things were still wet from the rain.  Mud was splattered on everything during the times that it rained up.  We were happy.  It was undeniably miserable at times, but I truly believe a bad day of camping is better than a good day of work.  My advice is to take your kids camping.  No, not in a camper with all the luxuries of home, but in a tent.  Let them feel the heat of summer and hear the pitter patter of a hard rain on the tent.  Let them find comfort in adverse conditions and understand how to make lemonade.  It's these times they will remember when they are older and it is these times that will make them a better person later in life...

Love, Life and The Dismal River

    I can still remember the first time I saw her.  Instantly I knew she was different.  It was the beginning of my senior year at a small college in Eastern Nebraska.  It was one of those colleges small enough where you knew almost everyone.  You may have not known their name, but you knew what group they associated with or what sport they played...they had their place on campus.  This girl was different.  I didn't know her.  I figured she was a freshman.  We were at a college party.  I could tell she was with a group of girls.  The rest of the girls were fraternizing with upper classmen.  Enjoying their new found freedom.  This one was different than the rest.  She was reserved.  I could tell she was independent.  Possibly shy, but confidant.  

    I was at a point in my life where I was a little lost.  I was in my senior year not knowing yet what the future had in store for me.  I had been in a roller coaster three year on and off relationship that ended with her transferring colleges and me staying.  My football career was stale.  I had started as a sophomore and knew I could hang with the big boys but my junior year was ended with an injury.  Now, as a senior, I was back on the field, but still nursing the injury and didn't understand why.  I would find out later that I had a bone infection and I was just a lame horse on the field.  The inability to succeed was slowly eating at me.  I wasn't really looking for a relationship, I was just ready for the next chapter in life.

    By this point, I had possibly caught her eye.  I am not sure if she noticed me in the same fashion, or noticed me at all.  It was a party with a lot of people.  Solo red cups and a blur of bodies.  I smiled and approached her.  "Where are you from?" I asked.  "A small town in Western Nebraska." She replied with a smile.  "I am sure you have never heard of it." Home is what I thought.   "Try me." I replied.   "Stapleton" she proclaimed with a confidant smile knowing I had never heard of Stapleton...or thinking she knew I had never heard of Stapleton.  My smile grew bigger...Home or at least the closest neighboring town to it.  "What is your last name?" "Kramer" she replied.   "Who's your older brother?" I asked.....

    Fast forward 19 years.  We married in 2004 and on June 5th it will be 16 years.  When I noticed the confidence and independence in her I had no idea what I was getting into.  Sometimes I feel we are both too bull headed to have a good marriage.  We are like two rocks on a rocky shoreline.  As the waves come in and out, you can hear the rocks clattering against each other.  Slowly eroding away at one another.  A long and lengthy process.  We are both the rocks.  Too bold and hard to give in, but our marriage is like the waves making us move together.  We may not have a good marriage, but it is perfect.  She is a hardened woman.  The years growing up on the ranch have made her into what she is today.  You won't and can't outwork this one.  I would strongly advise you to not stand on the tracks when the train is coming through.   She will run you over.  All of these characteristics, these attributes have turned her into a great life companion.  A great partner...An even greater canoe partner.

    The COVID-19 pandemic hit.  The mixed feelings of the virus.  How the US should react, how we should fix situation.  The conspiracy theories, the politics.  It has made the perfect storm.  Liz is a professional now.  A "healthcare worker".  Your thoughts and feelings of what the pandemic is or should be doesn't matter.  You are slated to your patients and customers.  Their thoughts and feelings are forced on you and Liz always keeps patient care as her top priority.  As the storm of the virus persists, I could tell it was weathering her.  It was her idea.  Liz said she needed to get away.  She proposed the idea.  "Lets run the Dismal..just you and I."

    This Dismal run wasn't the first rodeo for us.  We had run it before.  My older brother and I joked that the Dismal was a good test for any girl we dated.  Maybe a little archaic view in the current times, but the Dismal is also known as the "Divorce River" and I have seen it break relationships in the past.  Liz and I had canoed the Dismal while we were dating and done well.  We have gone on many trips together since.  Even one with a loaded canoe where we ran both major sections and camped on the river.  For Liz, I think this trip was different.  She needed a break.  For me, I didn't need an excuse, I grew up on that river.

    Almost every bend on that river has a memory.  I can remember certain conversations on the banks...  group gatherings to wait out the rain.  My best friend and I concreted a life long friendship on the Dismal.  Him and I often were invited to go on his older sibling's trips.  We were probably around 8 or 9 when he began being my bowman and me his stern paddler.  We weren't strong enough to properly get the water our of a capsized canoe.  We would drag the waterlogged boat to a shallow spot along a bank. We would both get in the middle of the canoe and heave with all our might to roll the canoe up on the bank.  Probably not a text book maneuver, but it always worked.  His parents later hired me to work on their ranch.  I am not sure how much of an asset I was to them as a hired man, but their influence in my life has been an asset to me.  Justin's and my friendship continued.  We were the Best Man in each other's weddings and even today when we need a sounding board in life, we give each other a call.  He has been a great bowman.  Helping me with every turn in life.

    My Dad shuttled us to the put in spot on Highway 97.  Liz and I got the canoe loaded and started our trip.  I packed a saw on this particular trip.  The Dismal is known for its challenges and its greatest hurdles are the endless cedar trees that make their way into the river.  For me, the Eastern Red Cedar is a sign of wilderness on the prairie and the Dismal has plenty of cedars and with that, plenty of wilderness.

    The Dismal is a spring fed river.  There are signs of spring activity everywhere you look.  Sometimes just a drip or trickle, other times you can hear and see small creeks feeding the river.  The source of the water is always nearby.  Nebraska's greatest natural resource is it's water. The Ogallala Aquifer is one of the largest in the World and Nebraska sits right in the middle of it.  In the Sandhills, signs of our water wealth are everywhere.  The rivers, wetlands and windmills are all indicative of the vast supply of water under its soil.

    

    The first two hours on the Dismal are probably the hardest from the Highway 97 bridge.  The river valley is narrow which has allowed the river to erode the sandy banks along the bends.  It's almost like a slow conveyor belt of cedars that fall in the river.  Once one tree has made its way into it's waters, the river starts eroding the bank under the next one...and then the next one after that.  The cedar is known for it's resistance against rot, so once a tree makes its way into the river, it almost becomes a permanent "strainer", a water feature that can last for years.

    Liz has been my bowman for years now.  Her ranching heritage makes her a strong paddler.  I was nervous starting.  I wanted her to enjoy herself, she needed the break and I didn't want the challenge of the Dismal to ruin our day.  The first bend presented its first challenge, its first tree and our first strainer.  I knelt in the stern, bracing my knees against the sides of the canoe to lower my center of gravity and to give me more stability and power in my strokes.  I began to give the canoe a hard back-paddle, slowing us down.  She knew instantly what to do.  She began turning the canoe in the bow.  Her paddle strokes were strong and powerful.  We didn't have to speak much anymore besides give words of encouragement.  "Nice job, Honey, nice job" I said in a calm and solemn way.  We had been here before and could feel each other in the canoe.  We were a team, a lifelong marriage and partnership.  The first challenge was behind us.  We sailed through it with no problems.  My nerves calmed.  I could now enjoy the day.

    

    The endless trees and endless strainers came at us.  We tackled one right after another without much difficulty.  The few that did present a challenge I used my saw on.  Cutting away some of the branches or possibly the trunk to give way for the next group of paddlers.  We never raised our voices.  Some spots were a little hairier then others and my words would change to "Dig Honey, Dig" as she dug hard into the water gripping for those strong paddles strokes.  A couple places there was just too much timber to make it through on the water, so we had to portage the canoe.  Fitting I thought, she and I have added a lot to our lives together.  A marriage, careers, and two beautiful daughters.  Fitting that we were now pushing and pulling this canoe together, a small resemblance to our marriage.  I couldn't ask for a better person to push and pull with in this thing called life...

    As our marriage has aged, Liz and I have become less interested in the materials in life and more interested in nature and travel.  We have become "naturalists".  More of a hobby than anything.  Trying to identify the different species of birds, the grasses, the trees...  The Dismal on this day had plenty of nature on display.  There were countless species of birds.  Kingfishers, Cardinals, Brown Thrashers and Golden Finches were all abundant and weren't afraid of singing their song to show their presence.  We seen two porcupine in two different locations.  It seemed that we were the only ones on the river and we were able to sneak up on several deer.  Some were never disturbed by our presence.  After 16 years, Liz and I were settled into our marriage.  There was no need of useless verbiage to fill our day.  We knew each others wants, dreams and desires.  We knew what we wanted for our girls and what we hoped for their futures.  We chatted some, but were comfortable in our silence and the sounds that nature provided for us.  As we sat eating our lunch at the "Boiling Springs", watching the spring burp and bubble water, I looked at Liz and smiled.  "It's amazing how noisy it is when you actually listen."  Liz smiled and laughed.  There were multiple Cardinals stating their presence.  The Brown Thrasher kept cycling through its different songs.  The Red Wing Black Bird was announcing its territory with its fluttering call.  It was almost like being in a stadium at a football game.  Sounds that you can only hear if you listen...

    The "Falls" posed no challenge.  In fact, Liz and I didn't even scout them.  With the confidence we had in each other at this point, we knew we could run them.  We shot right through.  Liz called the line and I followed.  We smiled together.  We felt as though we were tackling the World today.

    There were still more trees and more strainers to work through.  After the Boiling Springs, the Dismal River Valley really opens up.  The challenges become less frequent and the Dismal decides to relax and go easy on its paddlers for a bit.  By this time, our take out point is near.  We don't have far before we reach the Seneca Bridge.

    We finished our day sooner than what I anticipated.  We had an hour before my Father would meet us for the shuttle ride home.  We walked around a bit and I told Liz of my childhood...again.  She smiled and listened as I recounted the endless camping stories at the Seneca Bridge.  My Grandmother was born not far from there.  She was one of the first of her siblings to be born in the Sandhills.  My Aunt owned the land at the Seneca Bridge when I was a kid, we had a "Counsins Campout" almost every year.  My Aunt was the glue in my Dad's family that kept us all together.  She made sure everything was perfect, and it was.  When she passed, the glue was gone.  The land sold and with it, the campouts I loved so much.  

    We finally laid down next to the canoe on the bank.  I was on my back with my cap over my eyes and Liz used me as a pillow as we waited for our ride.  To be honest, I could have waited there all day.  I was content and so was Liz.

    "Love, Life and The Dismal River" all has its challenges.  To be honest, I have scars from all three.  What the Dismal has taught me is that as long as I have a strong bowman at my side, I can take the challenges on and tackle all three.  If you have a good marriage, don't run the Dismal.  If you have a perfect marriage, give it a whirl.  More than likely you will walk away stronger than what you were before...

To my wife Liz, thank you for being my rock, my life and my love...